Eugene the Unicorn
Elf Life Adventurers II (Jan 2001 - March 2002)
Eugene is a unicorn. He has the traditional beard and lion-like tail, but things go downhill from there. He's goat-like, about three feet high at the shoulder, with curly white fur. His donkey-like ears are longer than his horn --- which is the same hard, bony material as his all-to-normal cloven hooves, not any sort of crystal or precious metal.
Eugene is terminally clumsy; he trips over his own feet and is a coward who couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag. Yet he desperatly wants to be something he's not: the heroic, heraldic unicorn of legend. Eugene knows every unicorn tale ever told (and talks about nothing else!) but can't live up to the lore. Somewhere between Rincewind and Walter Mitty, he's more than a little ashamed about his failings, but while he'll daydream of crushing his enemies he'll hardly stand up to them.
Because of his vast knowledge of tales, Eugene is remarkably good with children.
For most of his life, Eugene assumed that he was some sort of bizarre freak, and that unicorns really looked like majestic horses with long spiraling horns. Then he met Cherri and discovered that he wasn't so unique after all.
Lenalai flew down from the branch. "Wowee! Are you really a unicorn?"
The unicorn lept backwards, startled by the pixie appearing in front of his face. "Why, yes, I am," he said, puffing his chest out.
"Oh. You don't look like one."
The unicorn's ego deflated. He sighed. "All right, all right, I know. Unicorns are graceful, unicorns are beautiful, unicorns are bigger. Now go on, make a joke about goats."
Lenalai frowned. "You look plenty big to me!" The unicorn pondered this statement. Yes, to a pixie he must seem huge. She flew up to his head. "My name's Lenalai! What's yours?"
The unicorn snorted. "Many myths portray unicorns as nameless creatures, take the book The Last Unicorn for example, in it the unicorn is referred to simply as 'the unicorn'---"
"But what do people call you, then?" asked the pixie.
The unicorn sighed again. "My name is Eugene." He looked sad. "Not a proper mythical name, like Sunchaser or Jewel or even Jan. Eugene."
After the volcano battle... a turning point in Eugene's character and decision-making ability...
An adrenaline-crazed Eugene skipped around, covered in soot. An onlooker would swear that he was starting to enjoy near-death experiences, just so he'd have more to complain about. He had just finished listing every hair that was out of place when he turned to Nynaeve. "Well, where do you think those crazy elves are going to haul us off to now ---"
" I'm going home," said Nynaeve softly.
" Home? But.. but..." Eugene was at a loss for words. "Nyna?" he finally bleated pitifully.
Nynaeve sighed. "I've been shot at, attacked by the undead, nearly died in lava..." she shook her head. "I've had enough! Besides, I've taken you back to your friends, and Ither's dead. There's no excuse... no reason for me to hang around any more. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll leave you and these... these loonies... to do whatever you think up next..." she limped off, ears drooping.
Eugene stared after her for a moment, a funny expression on his face, until a tiny hand tugged at his fur. "Eugie! Tell me a story!"
" Huh? Oh. Not now, Lenalai."
" Why not?" demanded the pixie.
" You're living one, why do you need stories?" Eugene though for a moment and said quietly, "yeah. We're living one. And I bet you want a story about a misfit who abandons heart and home to sacrifice himself on some idiotic quest. Well you know what? You're not getting one!" The unicorn seemed to be talking to himself.
" Eugie?" Lenalai demanded.
" Huh? Oh. Lenalai. Uh..." Eugene glanced back at the main group. "If they ask, would you tell them that I'm getting off here? The Crazy-Elf-Rockhunt-Carnival-Ride is now minus one unicorn. Oh... and tell them, y'know, good luck with saving the world and all that stuff." Eugene smiled awkwardly at the pixie.
Maybe we'll run into one another one day."
Then he galloped off. "Nynaeve! Wait for me..."
((Exit Eugene.))
